For someone who loves to express her thoughts through writing, it is very difficult to admit that I couldn’t bring myself to write. It’s not that I haven’t had very interesting draws or readings that I could have shared, but that my mental attitude plummetted to a place that wasn’t conducive to writing.
Have you ever found with your cartomancy practice (no matter whether it’s tarot or oracle) that there are times that the readings are consistently good, but they don’t seem to manifest in Reality? or more to the point, don’t manifest quickly enough? 🙂
I had this happen once before when I fell in love with my now-mate. I read only tarot at the time, and they continually told me that I would end up with this man….even when he went off with someone else for a year! Not only did the cards stay true to the message, but so did any English psychic, medium, or card reader that I saw! What was being shared, smacked in the face of what I was living in the physical; and frankly, I had a crisis of Faith. I put my cards away for a year.
Now, although I lost confidence and faith, the cards were correct and so were the readers – we did end up together and have been happily together for a decade. I have shared that story a few times with people, in the knowing that sometimes you just need to Trust & Surrender.
Well, you would think having already gone through such an experience, it wouldn’t come back to haunt me again! but it has. I have had draws/readings hand over fist showing financial breakthroughs and positive changes, while on the physical, Life just seems to throw one hefty challenge after another.
Although my cards have never waivered, I got so low emotionally that I waivered. I have felt myself retreat into a shell over the past week or so, not wanting to write or think about the cards…..something totally alien to me.
In the midst of all of this, I have been beginning in earnest studying the fundamentals of Qabalah to expand my understanding of Tarot. I’ve been listening to the Tarot School’s “Painless Qabalah for Tarot Readers” audio course and have been fascinated. Over the past 10-15 years I have instinctively collected books on the subject, but found them initially so dry and foreign that I never made any headway with them. Now with Wald Amberstone’s wonderful dialogues, it’s starting to click; and I’m rediscovering my library 🙂
I remembered today, that I bought quite a few years ago, The Kabbalah Deck, by Edward Hoffman. It has sat waiting patiently in my closet, for my inner lightbulb to go on! lol and today it did just that.
I shuffled the cards, and drew one card to see if there was a special message there for me….and was there ever!
I drew the card/hebrew letter ‘nun’.
“Representing the number 50, Nun symbolizes faith and its vibrancy in spiritual life. Kabbalists teach that while forty-nine exalted gates to wisdom exist in the world, above them all lies the fiftieth gate of faith. Nun is the Aramaic word for fish, denoting great fruitfulness and affirms that faith brings us a sense of abundance in our daily existence……. To amplify your faith, meditate on the letter Nun. Doing so will help you overcome such negative feelings as doubt (!!) and cynicism and even bleakness and despair.”
I was gobsmacked – this card hit the nail on the head, and I knew that Spirit was sending me a strong message.
Keep the faith!
I am going to keep this card out for a few days, and contemplate it, remembering all the times that faith has seen me through; and to trust my cards!!!! 🙂
If you ever come across this deck, think about getting it. This is not in the same league as so many of the cards out there today, these are deep. The book that accompanies the deck is insightful and beautiful.